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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25161247">To Be So Lonely</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/oyaoyawhore/pseuds/oyaoyawhore'>oyaoyawhore</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Jealous Oikawa Tooru, Jealousy, Love Triangles, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Iwaizumi Hajime, Pining, Pining Oikawa Tooru, Pining Ushijima Wakatoshi, Smut, Top Ushijima Wakatoshi, Unrequited Love, i didn't even know i liked ushioi this much until i started writing wow, like a lot of ushioi fluff, ushioi propaganda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:47:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,763</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25161247</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/oyaoyawhore/pseuds/oyaoyawhore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’ll choke you in bed tonight.”</p><p>Oikawa nearly choked on his spit.</p><p>“Not like that. You're disgusting,” Iwaizumi snapped after seeing the expression on Oikawa’s face.</p><p>“Oh please,” Oikawa grinned after composing himself. “We all know you would very much enjoy getting the chance to do me, don’t try to hide it.”</p><p>Iwaizumi snorted. “In your dreams.”</p><p> <em>Oh, Iwa-chan, you have absolutely no idea.</em></p><p>In which Oikawa is in love with Iwaizumi and Ushijima is in love with Oikawa. You already know how it goes ;) prepare for angst and drama. </p><p>University AU.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>127</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>340</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hey!! this is my first ever fanfic (unless you include the one I wrote in seventh grade on wattpad, but shhhh we don't talk about that).  writing isn't really my thing but i'm giving it a shot. hope you enjoy!</p><p>this will be a multi chapter fic and I'll try my best to update weekly (maybe every Saturday??) let me know what you think!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Oikawa felt hot as Iwaizumi trailed kisses down his neck, pulling at the hem of his shirt and looking at his face for confirmation. Oikawa gave him a small nod and helped Iwaizumi remove the piece of clothing. He felt hands running across his chest and fingers slowly making their way for his waistband. Oikawa wrapped his arms around Iwaizumi’s neck and brought his face down towards his for a passionate kiss. He let out a moan when Iwaizumi pulled his lip between his teeth and arched his back when their hips met during their kiss. They rocked together lightly at first, but when Iwaizumi ground his hips against Oikawa’s, he had to bite his lip in order to stop crying out sounds of pleasure. The last thing he remembered was taking Iwaizumi’s shirt off and admiring his sculpted chest before his alarm went off and woke him up from his very hot and passionate dream.</p><p>After grabbing his phone to turn off the alarm, Oikawa groaned and looked down at his body. His bare chest was covered in sweat and there was a tent in his boxers. Placing his face in his hands, Oikawa took a deep breath and reached down to give attention to his morning wood. He slowly inserted his hand into his boxers and wrapped his fingers around his length. He stroked gently at first, making sure to rub the tip and allow precum to cover his cock. He brought his thoughts back to his dream, imagining Iwaizumi stroking him instead. Imagining him whispering dirty things in his ear while he brought Oikawa to an orgasm. Oikawa stroked himself at a faster pace, feeling the buildup, and eventually bursting, covering his hand with his cum. </p><p> Oikawa sighed and rolled out of bed, making his way to the bathroom. When he looked into the mirror, he noticed that his cheeks were flushed with a light pink and his ears were bright red. If it wasn’t already clear, this was not Oikawa’s first time getting off to the thought of his best friend. Throughout the years of his and Iwaizumi’s friendship, Oikawa admits that his feelings for his best friend had grown significantly. He first discovered his little crush a few weeks after New Years. It was Hanamaki’s birthday and the team had decided to go ice skating to celebrate. Luckily for Oikawa, he was pretty skilled. Iwaizumi, on the other hand, had a lot of trouble staying on his feet. He had fallen multiple times until Oikawa grabbed his hand and helped him up. After that, Iwaizumi stayed close to his side for the rest of the day and the proximity started messing with Oikawa’s head. It only got worse whenever Iwaizumi grabbed for his hand as Oikawa had started to feel butterflies in his stomach. </p><p>This feeling did not only last for that day. Ever since they went ice skating, Oikawa would feel flustered every time Iwaizumi got close to him, not to mention whenever he touched him. He had started looking at his best friend differently. He would notice small things about him, like how he always stuttered when giving his order at a restaurant (which Oikawa found really cute by the way), and how he always bit his lip when he was in his head, or how he would play with his hands in uncomfortable situations. Not only this, but his whole face would flush whenever Iwaizumi was shirtless. This had never been a problem before, but now it was his biggest issue while living with him. Oikawa cursed under his breath and splashed cold water on his face. His feelings were inappropriate. He knew that. And he was very well aware that Iwaizumi did not reciprocate these feelings. Of course he didn’t. Iwaizumi was straight and he had a girlfriend. </p><p>Oikawa sighed and grabbed for his toothbrush. While he brushed his teeth, Oikawa started thinking back to when Iwaizumi had first started dating his girlfriend, Mai. It had been during their first term in university. Only two weeks into their time at university, and all Iwaizumi would talk about was a girl in his statistics class who was really cute. Oikawa would try his best not to scowl and left it to his friends, Matsukawa and Hanamaki, to deal with it. Eventually, Iwaizumi had asked for her number and it went from there.</p><p>Of course, Oikawa tried to be happy for his best friend, but he was sure his smile had never looked genuine when she was the topic of their conversation or whenever he was forced to spend time with them. Luckily for him, Iwaizumi was a dumbass and never noticed his discomfort. </p><p>After spitting, Oikawa got in the shower and continued to get ready for his first class of the day, biology. In fact, it was his first class of the second term and he was very excited. Although he was offered a spot on the university volleyball team, he declined it. Now, he majored in biomedical sciences and devoted all of his time to classwork and studying. Oikawa would always love volleyball, but he had decided to give up playing it in university to solely focus on his studies, and hoped to get into medical school by the time it was over. His friends, Matsukawa and Hanamaki, had also stopped playing volleyball in university. However, they all always went to every one of Iwaizumi’s games to cheer him on. </p><p>Although, there was one player on Iwaizumi’s team who he could not stand. Ushijima Wakatoshi. Ushiwaka had always been his greatest enemy when he used to play volleyball in high school. He promised himself that he would beat him one day, but no matter how hard he tried, he just wasn’t good enough. In some ways, Ushiwaka was one of the main reasons Oikawa had stopped playing and he would always resent him for it. </p><p>The most annoying thing about Ushiwaka, though, was that he never understood how badly he had impacted Oikawa’s life. He always tried to talk to him when Oikawa hung out with Iwaizumi’s team and wouldn’t stop pestering him about how he should’ve kept playing. Especially with him, on his team. Iwaizumi was always there for him in these moments, and would diffuse the situation before Oikawa snapped. He knew Oikawa so well, and that was just another reason he was drawn to him. </p><p>Iwaizumi was perfect. He was good looking, had a great physique, was nice to everyone, and always knew what to say or do. Most importantly, he had stuck by Oikawa’s side ever since he was born. Even though Iwaizumi was born 41 days before him, they had known each other for their whole lives. Oikawa always found a sense of comfort when his best friend was around, and he’d like to think that Iwaizumi felt the same way. Oikawa did not want to mess up their friendship with his stupid crush, so he had never even considered confessing to him. And he never would. </p><p>After getting out of the shower and blowdrying his hair, Oikawa quickly got dressed and grabbed his bag. He rushed out of the apartment before Iwaizumi woke up and headed to class early. This had become a force of habit since last term when he started living with Iwaizumi. The problem with seeing Iwaizumi in the mornings was that he only slept in his boxers and walked around the apartment half naked. Of course, Oikawa very much appreciated the view, but a little too much. His mind was a dangerous place, and when it started to wander, morning wood wasn’t the only fun activity he had to deal with in the mornings. </p><p>Oikawa walked in and grabbed a seat at the front of the lecture hall. After all, he didn’t have the best eyesight and always found himself squinting at the words written on the board when he sat at the back. He placed his bag on the seat to the left of him and took out his phone, scrolling through social media apps while waiting for the class to start. And soon enough, more and more people poured in and the professor was getting his computer ready for a slideshow presentation. </p><p>“Excuse me,” he heard a voice saying from beside him. “Can you please move your bag?” </p><p>Without even thinking about it, Oikawa grabbed his bag and put it on the ground next to his chair. However, when he found out who had spoken, he glared at the person who had taken the seat next to him. “Ushiwaka-”</p><p>“It’s Ushijima.”</p><p>“Ushiwaka-chan, please get out of my face and move somewhere else,” he said, still glaring at the boy sitting beside him. “What are you doing here anyways? You’re too stupid for a science major.”</p><p>“But I’m already sitting here. And my major is Biology,” he replied in short sentences, with his stupid monotone voice. </p><p>Oikawa scowled. This was not happening to him right now. Surely, if there was a god, he hated him and wanted him to suffer. “You’re insufferable,” he said, making sure Ushiwaka knew exactly how he felt about him. </p><p>Ushiwaka furrowed his eyebrows. “Is something wrong?” he asked, clearly oblivious just like he always is. </p><p>Oikawa just let out a deep sigh and ignored him. If he pretended he wasn’t there, then he wouldn’t snap. Iwaizumi wasn’t there to save him anyways. </p><p>After a few more uncomfortable minutes, class had officially begun and Oikawa started taking notes. However, it had been a while since he had to sit in a lecture and take notes while the professor was talking, so he missed a few important points. Okay, maybe a lot of important content. He looked over towards Ushiwaka, and he seemed to have no trouble staying focused and writing everything down. This just pissed him off more and eventually, he gave up trying to catch up and write everything down and just listened to what the professor was saying instead. </p><p>When class was over, Ushiwaka began to pack up and walked towards the exit. Oikawa groaned, knowing what he had to do next and dreading it. “Wait, Ushijima,” he said, getting his attention. Ushiwaka waited for him next to the door. When Oikawa reached him, he waited to hear what he had to say. “Do you mind sending me the notes from today? I missed a couple of things,” he asked, scratching the back of his neck and even giving Ushiwaka one of his famous smiles. </p><p>“You didn’t write anything down for the second half of class,” he replied, staring at Oikawa with a blank expression. </p><p>“Yeah, I kind of got distracted. I promise I’ll make it up to you!” he exclaimed, hating himself for acting so nicely towards the guy he had hated for years. But as they say, desperate times call for desperate measures. </p><p>“Fine,” Ushiwaka replied. “But I don’t have your number.”</p><p>Oikawa took Ushiwaka’s phone from him when he held it out, and quickly punched his number in and sent himself a text. “There you go. Just send me pictures when you get the time?” Ushiwaka gave him a small nod and headed out of the classroom. </p><p>Oikawa looked down at his phone and saved his enemy as a contact. However, he made sure to put a devil emoji next to his name and saved “dumbass” as his nickname. Then, he went on with the rest of him day. He only had two more classes on Monday, with an hour break between each of them. During those breaks, Oikawa looked for a table outside and did some homework, or simply went on his phone to pass some time. His other classes, an English course and Psychology, seemed fairly easy and did not require a lot of work like his other science courses. When his last course of the day ended, he was finally free to go home and see his roommate for the first time that day.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Oikawa just thirsts over Iwaizumi. That's it. That's the whole chapter.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you to everyone who has been reading the fic so far!! the comments and kudos mean so much to me ahhhhh :)))) also, I wasn't going to update again until next week but I just couldn't help myself so enjoy~</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Oikawa stepped into his apartment, he was greeted by a very sweaty Iwaizumi in athletic shorts and a sleeveless shirt. He seemed to have just arrived from the gym himself. Luckily, he was not aware that Oikawa had returned, which gave him plenty of time to admire the boy in front of him. Oikawa’s eyes travelled from Iwaizumi’s face to his chest, where his sweat had made his shirt cling to his body in all the right places, almost making it seem like a second skin. He could see the lines between Iwaizumi’s pecs, and faintly saw the shape of his abs before Iwaizumi finally looked up at him. Oikawa knew his face was probably flushed, but it was fairly cold outside since it was still the beginning of January, so he had an excuse if he were to get caught. But who was he kidding, Iwaizumi was so oblivious to his feelings and would never catch on. Trying not to pay attention to his toned arms, Oikawa gave his roommate a smile. “Good morning, Iwa-chan!”</p><p>Iwaizumi took out his earphones and waved back at him. “Good morning, Shittykawa. Even though it’s-,” he looked down at his watch. “A little after 3 pm,” he continued, giving Oikawa a pointed look. </p><p>“Yeah, whatever. I haven’t eaten all day and I’m going to make breakfast. Want some pancakes?”   he asked, already knowing the answer. Iwaizumi’s favourite breakfast food was pancakes and Oikawa always made them whenever he could. It was almost sad how hard he tried to make his best friend happy just because of his feelings for him. But if Iwaizumi was happy, he was happy. Even little things, like the thought of Iwaizumi enjoying a meal with him and complimenting his cooking, brought a smile to his face. </p><p>Iwaizumi hummed. “Yes please. I’m going to take a shower while you do that, though. I’m disgusting,” he replied, lifting up his shirt so that Oikawa could mentally drool over the exposed skin, and smelling it before scrunching his nose and walking into the bathroom. </p><p>Oikawa got the ingredients ready in the kitchen. He had never bothered to use measuring cups because he was pretty good at estimating the portions, unlike his best friend who had to be precise about everything. Iwaizumi even used a kitchen scale to measure the weight in grams of all of his food, something Oikawa would never understand. But, he admits that it was kind of cute that Iwaizumi was so scared of messing up that he did extra work to avoid it. Oikawa smiled down at the pan while he flipped the pancakes, thinking about Iwaizumi’s other cute tendencies. </p><p>“Need me to do anything?” Iwaizumi asked, stepping out of the bathroom with half-wet hair. He was now dressed in a short sleeved t-shirt and sweatpants. Ah, so he was just planning on staying home for the rest of the day.</p><p>Oikawa tore his gaze away from his friend, his face heating up a little because <em>god</em>, Iwaizumi looked <em>so good</em> with wet hair. “Could you chop up some strawberries? Oh! And get out the blueberries while you’re at it,” he replied, keeping his voice as steady as he possibly could while fireworks went off in his abdomen.</p><p>Iwaizumi hummed in confirmation and washed the berries. They worked side by side, each doing their own thing, but all Oikawa could think about was how close he was to Iwaizumi. He could almost feel Iwaizumi’s body heat. The worst part was that he could smell his cologne and couldn’t help but imagine how it would feel to be held by him, breathing in his scent and kissing those lips as he had always dreamed of at night. Lost in his thoughts, his breath hitched in his throat when Iwaizumi’s arm grazed against his, and suddenly he took a step to the opposite side. Iwaizumi stopped what he was doing and glanced at Oikawa with a confused expression on his face. </p><p>“I, uh, touched the pan and burned my finger,” Oikawa said, lying to his friend because how else was he supposed to explain his reaction to a simple touch like that? He avoided looking into Iwaizumi’s eyes and made his way towards the sink to run his hand under cold water to make his lie seem more believable. </p><p>Iwaizumi was hot on his tail. “Here, let me see,” he demanded, grabbing Oikawa’s hand and taking it into his own. He carefully inspected each of his fingers before looking into Oikawa’s eyes. “Ah, you’re fine,” he said at last, using his other hand to smack the back of Oikawa’s head. “Now stop being a pussy and let’s make my damn pancakes.”</p><p>Oikawa opened his mouth to say something, <em>anything</em>, but all he could do was stare back at the man standing in front of him. It was unfair how life worked. Oikawa always had to get hot and bothered by everything Iwaizumi did, while the former could live his life freely without his heart threatening to burst out of his chest every so often. The fact that Iwaizumi was practically holding his hand was not helping the situation at all. He tore his gaze away from Iwaizumi’s face and pulled his hand away as well. “Um, y-yeah. They’re, uh, almost done,” Oikawa forced out at last, attempting to smile, but he was sure it looked more like a grimace if anything. </p><p>Oikawa got back to work, topping each of their pancakes with berries, butter, and maple syrup before bringing their plates to the kitchen island where Iwaizumi was already waiting to dig in. Oikawa took a seat on the bar stool next to him and they both took a bite of their afternoon breakfast. Iwaizumi practically moaned after taking his first bite, showering Oikawa with compliments that he just brushed off, laughing at how easily satisfied his best friend was. </p><p>“So, how were your classes today?” Iwaizumi asked.</p><p>Oikawa groaned, thinking back to having to sit beside Ushiwaka during his morning lecture. “I should have just listened to you and taken Mondays off. You will never believe what I had to go through today,” he replied. Iwaizumi raised his eyebrows, clearly intrigued. “Ushiwaka-chan sits besides me in my morning biology lecture now.” </p><p>Iwaizumi stared at Oikawa for a while, waiting for him to say that he was joking. Soon enough, he realized that Oikawa was being serious, and he burst into laughter, clutching at his stomach and wiping tears out of his eyes. “Oh, <em>god</em>, I can’t believe either of you guys made it out of that class alive,” he said at last, still humoured by Oikawa’s suffering. </p><p>“Shut up, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa pouted. “I hate him but I would’t kill him during class hours! Besides, I was very nice today! I even gave him my number~” </p><p>Iwaizumi’s jaw dropped to the floor and Oikawa couldn’t help but laugh at his expression. “Why the hell would you do that?”</p><p>“Maybe I’m secretly in love with him and that’s how I made my first move, Iwa-chan. What other reason could there be for me giving him my number?” he asked sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Iwaizumi hit him in the stomach and Oikawa doubled over. “Okay, fine! I just couldn’t write everything down so I asked him to send me his notes later, that’s all I swear! But I do kind of owe him now, especially since I already know this won’t be the last time I ask him for help,” he said, scratching the back of his head and wincing. </p><p>Iwaizumi frowned. “Well, that does sound like a shitty Monday then. Do you have any work you need to do today?” Oikawa shook his head, indicating that he didn’t. “Wanna just watch your stupid sci-fi show together? I’m bored out of my mind. All I did today was go to practice in the morning and then go to the gym a few hours later,” he said, then later stretched while letting out a big yawn. “I’m <em>so tired</em>, let's just relax for the rest of the day, yeah?” </p><p>Oikawa gave his best friend a bright smile and nodded enthusiastically. In all honesty, he was excited to spend time with Iwaizumi because although they lived together, they hardly ever spent time together, just by themselves. Iwaizumi was always with his girlfriend, Mai, or with his teammates, and Oikawa was always busy with school or work, leaving them almost no free time to spend together. </p><p>Iwaizumi grabbed both of their plates and washed them in the sink, while Oikawa got up and sat on the couch waiting for his friend. Getting comfortable, he stretched his legs out and placed his feet on the ottoman. Iwaizumi came and sat down next to him, turning on the tv and putting on the show Oikawa had been watching recently on their Netflix account. </p><p>A few minutes into the show, Iwaizumi got up again to grab his phone where he left it on the kitchen island, but when he came back, instead of sitting down like he was before, he laid his head down sideways on Oikawa’s lap and continued to watch the screen. At first, Oikawa was surprised by the sudden physical contact, but he forced himself to loosen up and enjoy the moment. Lifting his hand which was resting on his stomach, he brought it forward and placed it on Iwaizumi’s head. Then, he slowly started moving fingers and playing with his friend’s hair with a gentle smile on his face. Iwaizumi hummed, breaking the silence between them, and Oikawa halted his hand movements. </p><p>Iwaizumi turned his head to look up at Oikawa with tired eyes and furrowed eyebrows. “Why’d you stop?” he asked, and Oikawa could tell he was half asleep from how slow and tired his voice had sounded. </p><p>“Sorry,” Oikawa mumbled back and started carding his hand through Iwaizumi’s hair again. Satisfied, his friend turned his head back again and Oikawa let out a deep breath. Iwaizumi made it <em>so hard</em> to not be in love with him. </p><p>They continued staying in this position for two whole episodes before Iwaizumi’s phone started ringing. Oikawa grabbed the remote and put the show on pause while Iwaizumi got off of his lap and sat up straight again, answering his phone. </p><p>“Hello?” Iwaizumi said, answering the phone. “Oh… right now?” he paused. “Okay, I’ll be right there,” he said before hanging up, then let out a sigh. </p><p>“What’s wrong?” Oikawa asked, slightly concerned. </p><p>“Oh, nothing. That was just Mai, she wants me to come over to her apartment.” Iwaizumi got up and walked into his bedroom to change his clothes. When he emerged back from his room, he was wearing a dark blue hoodie and black skinny jeans. “Hey, sorry I have to go. Don’t wait up for me, though. I’ll probably spend the night there. Oh! And tell me how the rest of the show goes. Surprisingly, it’s really interesting,” Iwaizumi said while making his way to the front door of their apartment and putting on his shoes. </p><p>“Yeah, don’t worry about it, Iwa-chan! See you tomorrow!” Oikawa replied, faking a big smile directed towards his roommate. </p><p>After Iwaizumi had left, Oikawa turned off the tv and brought his knees up towards his chest, hugging his legs tightly. He stayed in that position for a while before he felt a lump in his throat and an empty hole in his chest. His face dropped down before he felt warn tears trailing down his cheeks. And instead of fighting his emotions, Oikawa let himself be sad. He let himself cry because he could slowly feel himself losing his best friend. Not only because he was spending time with other people. No, that was hardly a problem. However, just <em>being</em> his friend was simply too painful. He was losing his best friend because of his own feelings for him, and he hated himself for it. He wanted things to go back to the way they were in high school. He wanted to feel nothing when his friend smiled at him. Or touched him. Or simply said something remotely nice to him. But that was impossible. How could he possibly get over the man he loved when he was forced to face him every day?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>awe oikawa :(( its okay I still love u &lt; 3333</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Oikawa meets Semi then his world gets turned upside-down.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>y'all, I'm sorry this is SO late :( forgive me I'm trying my best I promise</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Oikawa woke up to his phone vibrating in his pocket. As he got up, he realized he had fallen asleep on the sofa after his little crying session. Groaning, he sat up and rubbed his eyes before taking out his phone to see 12 image attachments from Ushiwaka, sent at 4:18 am. He scoffed. What the hell was this guy doing up at 4 A.M. anyways? He decided not to reply and went to his bedroom to change his clothes. Sleeping in his skinny jeans had not been comfortable at all.</p><p>After changing into more comfortable clothing, Oikawa picked up his phone again and went through his social media apps. Of course, Oikawa had an obsession with these apps just like every other person his age, but he really did try to limit his use as much as he could. However, when he had nothing else to do, nobody could stop him from switching through the same four apps for hours on end. Starting off with snapchat, Oikawa flipped through his friends’ stories without paying much attention. Besides, most of them consisted of sunsets and food. It seemed as though nobody had much of a life anymore. Then, he went on Instagram and immediately regretted opening the app at all. </p><p>The first picture on his feed turned out to be a picture of Iwaizumi sitting on a grey couch with Mai curled into his side. His arm was around his girlfriend and he was looking at her with adoring eyes. Eyes that Oikawa had been the subject of numerous times, but had never shown him as much affection as they were to Mai in that moment. Mai’s legs were draped over Iwaizumi’s thighs, and his other hand were holding them in place. It seemed as though Mai was reaching forward for a kiss as her lips were slightly pouted, and Iwaizumi was giving her a gentle smile, full of love. </p><p>Oikawa felt a surge of jealousy course through his body and he turned off his phone. Instead, he walked over to his desk, took out his laptop and notebook, and began writing the notes that Ushiwaka had texted him earlier. Studying had always seemed to calm him down in most situations. Maybe it was because he was forced to focus all of his attention onto his work rather than thinking about his pathetic crush on his best friend. Or maybe it was just because writing notes was fun for him especially since he had a collection of highlighters and brush pens that made his notes look more like a calligraphy practice than actual work. Whatever it was, he was grateful for his work ethic and was proud of himself for having a productive release for when he wasn’t in the best mood. And lately, he had been feeling down a lot more than usual. </p><p>Taking his phone out again to check the time, Oikawa realized it was now 6 A.M. Accepting that he would not be getting more sleep anytime soon, he made his way to the bathroom and started getting ready to go on a run. After brushing his teeth and getting changed for the second time, he quickly ate a banana and headed outside. It was still fairly dark outside, but Oikawa was grateful.   He started his run listening to Taylor Swift songs, and instantly he felt better. It had been almost 15 minutes into his run, however, until he ran into someone on a skateboard. The person who he bumped into tripped over the board and landed face first into the grass on the side of the sidewalk. </p><p>“Oh my god! I am so sorry!” Oikawa exclaimed, feeling awful.</p><p>The boy on the grass rolled over and waved him off. “It’s fine, no worries,” he said, looking up and meeting Oikawa’s eyes. “Oikawa Tooru?” he asked, his voice lighting up with recognition.</p><p>“Semi-chan?” Oikawa replied, surprised to see a familiar face staring back at him. “What are you doing here?”<br/>
“I go to school here, but I guess since you’re doing science and I’m doing art we never got a chance to meet, haha.”</p><p>Oikawa lent Semi his hand and helped him back up on his feet. “Oh, how’d you know I’m doing science?” Oikawa asked out of curiosity.</p><p>“Ushijima, of course. He’s my roommate. Oh, and although he’s a man of few words, he would not shut up about you yesterday. Well, that’s an exaggeration. But he did mention you a lot,” Semi answered, then paused for a second to think. “Listen, I really shouldn’t be saying this, but he really likes you, you know.” </p><p>Oikawa furrowed his eyebrows. “He just thinks I’m a good setter, there’s nothing-”</p><p>“No, Oikawa, he’s had the fattest crush on you ever since he first heard about you years ago. Ask him yourself!” </p><p>Oikawa opened his mouth to argue that no, Ushiwaka could not have these feelings for him, but he kept stuttering and stumbling over his words that he just gave up altogether. </p><p>Semi laughed at how flustered Oikawa was in the moment. “Just trust me on this, and think about giving him a chance! He’s a sweet guy once you get to know him, I promise. Besides, maybe if you gave him an actual chance he would stop being miserable all the time,” he said, grabbing his skateboard. “Wish we could talk more, but I really have to get to my 7 A.M. class now! See ya!” And with that, he rode his skateboard away in the direction of their campus, leaving Oikawa behind, dumbstruck and confused. </p><p>Oikawa tried to shake it off and continued his run, but he just couldn’t stop thinking about what Semi said. Surely, it had to be a joke, right? But why would Semi lie to him? All of their interactions thus far had been genuine and he knew Semi was a nice guy. So, maybe Ushiwaka did like him. No that would be impossible. They had a rivalry. Ushiwaka and Oikawa hadn’t even had a conversation where the former hadn’t mocked him or Oikawa hadn’t snapped at him. Well, other than yesterday, of course. But that was different, right? </p><p>Oikawa jogged back to his apartment with these thought running through his head. When he finally walked inside, he collapsed on the sofa, suddenly feeling very tired, and dozed off. </p><p>———————————————————————————————————————</p><p>The second time Oikawa woke up that morning was due to his alarm on his phone ringing, indicating that he had his Biology Lab in approximately 45 minutes. Groaning, he got up and finally showered, feeling disgusting for falling asleep while he was all sweaty. Then, he ate some cereal, packed his bag, and headed out the door again. </p><p>Already, his day had not been going as expected, and he hoped nothing else would happen to ruin it even further. And he really did believe he was in the clear now, but after sitting in the almost empty classroom for twenty minutes before the class started, Ushiwaka walked through the door and sat directly beside him. </p><p>“Good morning,” Ushiwaka greeted first, putting his bag down under their shared table and meeting Oikawa’s eyes.</p><p>Oikawa flushed and averted his gaze, suddenly feeling very flustered and shy around his ex-rival. “Good morning,” he mumbled back. If he hadn’t been hit with the words Semi had said to him this morning, Oikawa doubted he would have replied to him at all. In fact, he would have gotten up and sat somewhere else without any hesitation whatsoever. He didn’t know why he was holding back, but the fact that Ushiwaka may have a crush on him made him feel like he had to be nice to him for some reason. This seemed to have surprised Ushiwaka too as he was at a loss for words. Or maybe Oikawa was just imagining it. He didn’t talk much anyways. </p><p>“Did you receive the images I sent you? I did’t get a reply so I was worried you may have given me the wrong number,” Ushiwaka said after their moment of awkward silence. </p><p>Oikawa turned his head and looked at Ushiwaka, who was looking straight ahead this time. This seemed odd to Oikawa because Ushiwaka always made eye contact when he talked to people. “No, uh, I mean, yeah, I-I got the pictures,” Oikawa stuttered, feeling more awkward now. “It was the right number. I guess I was just too tired to reply at 4 in the morning,” he added. </p><p>“Oh, did I wake you up? I apologize, I will make sure not to message you in the middle of the night again,” Ushiwaka said, their eyes finally meeting and his filled with concern. </p><p>Oikawa felt a pang of guilt in his chest. “No, no, don’t worry about it! I didn’t mean to sound rude. I really did appreciate it,” he replied, offering the man he had hated for so long a small smile. “But what the hell were you doing awake at 4 in the morning?”<br/>
“Oh, I, uh, I couldn’t sleep so I was up late reading and realized I had completely forgotten to text you,” Ushiwaka stated, looking away again. He seemed to be embarrassed and Oikawa felt more in control of the situation now as roles were reversed. </p><p>“I don’t understand how you’re alive right now. I got more than enough sleep and I still feel dead,” Oikawa chuckled, suddenly forgetting who he was talking to. But he didn’t mind this. It felt almost natural now. </p><p>“Well, a lack of proper food would make you feel like that as well,” Ushiwaka replied.</p><p>Oikawa thought back to what he had eaten in the last few days. Yesterday, he had only had pancakes before falling asleep, and this morning he ate half a bowl of cereal. Maybe that did explain why he had been feeling like absolute shit lately. “Hm, I guess you’re right.”</p><p>“If you want, I could treat you to dinner sometime,” Ushiwaka said suddenly, acting as if it were no big deal. </p><p>On the other hand, Oikawa had stopped breathing. He felt his heart skip a beat as he grasped at words to say back to him. Why was this happening? “What? No! You don’t have to- I’m-”</p><p>“You still owe me a favour,” Ushiwaka pressed.</p><p>“But this doesn’t count, you don’t-”</p><p>“It counts.”</p><p>“No it doesn’t! That’s-”</p><p>“It counts,” Ushiwaka repeated, saying it more firmly this time and looking deep into Oikawa’s eyes.</p><p>Oikawa felt his face heat up again and his heart drummed in chest. He was the first to look away. “Yeah, okay, fine,” he mumbled, giving up on trying to refuse.<br/>
“Great,” Ushiwaka said, with a slight smile on his usually stoic face. “I will text you the details later. I’ll make sure to do it before 4 A.M. this time.”</p><p>Oikawa was surprised enough as it was just by seeing him smile that he completely missed Ushiwaka’s attempt at a joke. All he could do was stare at the man sitting beside him in shock. He soon realized that Ushiwaka was still waiting for confirmation, so he nodded and looked back towards the front of the classroom where the TA had started getting ready for the Lab. </p><p>The rest of the class went as smoothly as it could have, but Oikawa couldn’t stop replaying his conversation with Ushiwaka in his head. Had they really been flirting? Of course not, it was just a normal conversion between two acquaintances. But he couldn’t deny the fact that Ushiwaka had asked him on a date. It had to be a date, that was the only reasonable explanation. His comment about Oikawa’s eating pattern had to have just been an excuse to ask him out. And yet, Oikawa kept trying to convince himself that Ushiwaka did not like him like that. But the more he thought about it, and the more Ushiwaka leaned into him and touched his hand or shoulder during the duration of their lab, Oikawa realized Semi might have been telling the truth. </p><p>Ushijima Wakatoshi had a crush on Oikawa Tooru.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'll try to keep updates more consistent but i get so unmotivated sometimes I hope y'all understand T_T</p><p>But thank you guys so much for reading and as always, all kudos and comments are greatly appreciated :))) </p><p>(btw your comments make me so giddy wtf thank you for encouraging me to write more ily 🥺)</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Makki and Mattsun briefly get added to the mix ;)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Double update this week to make up for the times I didn't update T_T haha enjoyy~</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a few days before Ushiwaka brought up their date again. In fact, he had been oddly quiet about it, only talking to Oikawa about classwork and their lab reports. Of course, Oikawa was grateful for the silence on the matter, but he did find himself thinking about it often. Like now, for an example. Oikawa was at work at a frozen yogurt shop down the street from his apartment, and instead of thinking about Iwaizumi who was across the counter from him, he had spaced out thinking about the big, tall volleyball player who had already become the college team’s ace. </p><p>“Oi, dumbass. Stop spacing out, dammit,” Iwaizumi snapped suddenly. “See this is your problem. You run your mouth all day long and as soon as someone else has something to say, you never listen.”</p><p>Oikawa faked an exaggerated gasp. “Jeez, Iwa-chan. There is no need for all this hate! Who shoved a stick up your ass today?”</p><p>“Shut the fuck up, Shittykawa,” he growled back.</p><p>Oikawa raised his eyebrows. “Shit, sorry for hurting your poor feelings Iwa-chan, but please continue. I’ll pay attention this time.”</p><p>“Mai hates me and I don’t know why,” Iwaizumi said after shooting a glare at his friend.</p><p>“Well I can think of a few reasons…”</p><p>“I’ll choke you in your bed tonight.”</p><p>Oikawa nearly choked on his spit. </p><p>“Not like that. You're disgusting,” Iwaizumi snapped, looking at the expression on Oikawa’s face.</p><p>“Oh please,” Oikawa grinned after composing himself. “We all know you would very much enjoy getting the chance to do me, don’t try to hide it.” </p><p>Iwaizumi snorted. “In your dreams.”</p><p>
  <em>Oh, Iwa-chan, you have absolutely no idea.</em>
</p><p>Oikawa pursed his lips and pretended to think for a second. “Well, what did you do to make her hate you so much?” he asked at last, still not entirely eager to help. Oikawa couldn’t bring himself to care about Iwaizumi’s problem because why on Earth would he want to help the man he loves win back someone else? But, Iwaizumi was still his best friend, and part of the job was to help with problems such as these, so he tried his best not to sound insensitive and bored. </p><p>“I don’t know!” Iwaizumi exclaimed. “I actually have no clue,” he said more quietly.</p><p>“Well, here’s a crazy idea. Why don’t you ask her?” Oikawa said, stepping out from behind the counter and getting back to work, cleaning up some tables. His manager was in the back, but he was the only one working this shift as it was during the middle of the day before rush hour. </p><p>Iwaizumi followed behind him and even helped throw out some garbage people had left on the tables or threw on the ground. “Well, I would, but last time she just yelled at me and asked what I <em>thought</em> I did. Like, if I knew, I wouldn’t be asking you in the first place!” </p><p>Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Well, I don’t know what else to say, Iwa-chan. Just make a general apology and promise you won’t do it again. Problem solved!” </p><p>“For someone with so much dating experience, you give horrible advice.”</p><p>“I literally haven’t dated anyone since high school! Besides, none of my relationships lasted more than two weeks. Did you really think I was the best person to ask?” Not to mention, all of Oikawa’s relationships had ended terribly. He wasn’t the best with dealing with girls, mostly because he was as gay as they come. </p><p>“You’re right,” Iwaizumi said, letting out a sigh. “Sometimes I just forget that you’re a really crappy guy.”</p><p>“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa exclaimed, hitting his friend’s side with his elbow.</p><p>Iwaizumi chuckled. “I’m just kidding. But I guess there’s nothing I can do other than apologize, right?” he asked. </p><p>Oikawa just shrugged and made his way back to the counter as a couple had walked through the door with a small child who must have been around 7 or 8 years old. The family took their time dispensing their yogurt and choosing toppings. Iwaizumi waited at the side until after Oikawa was done serving the customers before making his way to the counter again. </p><p>“Well, I guess I have to go to her apartment now and make up with her,” Iwaizumi grumbled. “Thanks for your shitty advice.”</p><p>“Bye, Iwa-chan. Best of luck!” Oikawa exclaimed as Iwaizumi walked towards the door, bumping into Matsukawa and Hanamaki. It seemed as though they had greeted him, but he pushed past them and left without another word. </p><p>“What’s his problem?” Hanamaki asked, making his way to the counter while Matsukawa grabbed the biggest cup he could find and started piling up random flavours of frozen yogurt on top of each other. </p><p>“Mai and him are fighting I think,” Oikawa replied.</p><p>“Huh,” was Makki’s only response to that. </p><p>They both turned their heads towards Mattsun, who was now taking a scoop of every single topping and adding it to his cup. Makki rolled his eyes and yelled at him to hurry up. “That looks like diabetes,” Makki said, looking at the finished product. </p><p>Mattsun shrugged. “Here for a good time not a long time, amirite.”</p><p>Oikawa laughed as Makki smacked Mattsun at the back of his head but still took out his card to pay for his friend’s disaster of frozen yogurt. “Can’t believe you can eat this shit.”</p><p>“Let’s not pretend like you won’t eat most of it, Makki,” Oikawa inputed after sliding them two spoons, giving his friend a pointed look. </p><p>“Shut up, Oinkawa.”</p><p>“Are you calling me a pig?”</p><p>“Obviously.”</p><p>“What? Rude!” Oikawa reached across the counter to grab the cup of frozen yogurt from Mattsun’s hands to shove Makki’s face into it, but the sound of the door opening halted his movements. “You got saved this time, but as soon as I get off work, watch your back,” Oikawa glared at his friend, then turned to smile brightly at the pair of university students who had entered the shop. </p><p>After taking a look at who had walked in, Oikawa realized it was Semi and Tendou. They seemed to be in a heated argument as they made their way around the shop, picking flavours of yogurts and toppings. It had to have been at least a good five minutes before they finally made their way towards him. </p><p>Oikawa smiled and greeted them both. Semi seemed to be taken aback and Tendou just smirked at him when he realized who he was. “Oikawa, what a surprise,” Tendou said.</p><p>“Tendou-chan, hello,” Oikawa replied. He was not very close to anybody who had been on Shiratorizawa. Well, other than Semi, who he had bumped into outside of volleyball multiple times while shopping. It seemed as though they had a very similar sense of style, so Oikawa had never minded him. The rest of the members, on the other hand, were a different story. Due to his rivalry with Ushiwaka, Oikawa had thought of everybody on the other team as a rival as well. But they weren’t on opposing teams anymore, and Oikawa had to remind himself very often.  Oikawa weighed each of their frozen yogurts then asked, “Together or separate?”</p><p>“I got it,” Semi said and took out his card.</p><p>As Semi was inserting his hard into the chip reader, Tendou took it as an opportunity to speak up again. “So, I heard our Miracle Boy finally asked you on a date,” he said, still smirking knowingly at Oikawa.</p><p>Oikawa flushed instantly at the mention of Ushiwaka and their soon-to-be date. “I- uh- I…” he stammered and looked towards Semi for help.</p><p>“Tendou go wait for me outside at one of the tables,” Semi told him, pursing his lips. Tendou simply shrugged and did as he was told. “Sorry about that,” he said apolitically. “Ushiwaka told us last night when Tendou came over, we were just surprised.”</p><p>“Oh so he mentioned it to you?” Oikawa asked, his eyes widening. </p><p>“Oh yeah, said he had something planned for tomorrow since it’s Saturday and neither of you have classes. Although, I guess he never thought about the fact that you might have to work…”</p><p>“Ah, well I get off at 3pm tomorrow,” Oikawa replied, scratching the back of his neck. </p><p>“Great,” Semi smiled. “I’ll let him know.”</p><p>Oikawa flushed again. He didn’t know why he was still going through with this. He could easily back out if he wanted to. But this would be his first time going out with a guy ever since he’d come to the realization that he was in fact gay, and he was kind of excited. Of course, it would have been better if it was with anyone <em>other</em> than Ushiwaka, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. Besides, this whole situation was distracting him from his massive crush on Iwaizumi, so of course he didn’t want to back out now. “Alright, well, have a great rest of the day,” Oikawa replied and watched Semi as he left the shop to meet Tendou outside.<br/>
______________________________________________________________________________</p><p>It was almost 6pm when Oikawa walked through his apartment door to see Iwaizumi asleep on the couch. He didn’t get much time to admire the view in front of him because Iwaizumi’s eyes opened as Oikawa stepped inside and took off his shoes and coat. “You’re back,” he smiled, still half asleep but glad to see his friend. </p><p>Oikawa felt the butterflies in his stomach flutter at those words and the gentle smile he was receiving. Oikawa smiled back. “Yeah, seems like you missed me, Iwa-chan. Funny how you were threatening to choke me earlier,” he said, and that earned him a pillow to his face. He laughed and pushed Iwaizumi’s feet off of the couch so he could sit at the other end. “So, how’d it go with Mai?”</p><p>His friend groaned and covered his face with both hands. “It’s so stupid,” he replied, his voice muffled. Then he sat up and turned towards Oikawa. “Apparently she distanced herself from me to experience Taylor Swift’s new album better. It was crazy, she was crying into her pillow when I got there! I thought I really messed up this time.” </p><p>Oikawa couldn’t help but let out a loud laugh, even clutching his stomach and running out of breath.</p><p>“Oh please, let’s not pretend that you weren’t doing the same exact thing last night when it came out. I could hear you sobbing from my room. Sometimes you and Mai are so alike that it actually scares me.”</p><p>“Iwa-chan! You heard me crying and you didn’t even think to check up on me?” Oikawa exclaimed, slightly offended. He tried to ignore the second part of his statement, but he couldn't help but think, <em>then why can’t you just date me instead?</em></p><p>Iwaizumi just rolled his eyes. “I saw your tweets, dumbass. Also, stop posting pictures of yourself ugly-crying. You know they’re public right?”</p><p>It was Oikawa who threw a pillow at Iwaizumi’s face this time. After bickering like an old married couple for a few more minutes, they both decided to order takeout for dinner and put on the show they’d been watching together lately. However, throughout dinner and the remainder of the night while watching the show, Oikawa couldn’t help but check his phone every-so-often for a text from Ushiwaka. This seemed to have been bothering Iwaizumi because after about the 20th time Oikawa checked his phone in the last five minutes, he was finally being confronted.</p><p>“Why do you keep checking that thing every five seconds? What? Are you expecting a text from someone?” he pressed.</p><p>“Maybe!” Oikawa replied, flustered. He had never told anyone else that he was interested in guys. Not even Iwaizumi. However, Makki and Mattsun had picked on it fairly quickly. In fact, they had known before he had discovered it himself. </p><p>“Oh yeah, from who?”</p><p>“None of your business.”</p><p>“Of course it is! Tell me who,” he pressed harder and got closer to look at Oikawa’s screen. When Oikawa turned off his phone and refused to answer. Iwaizumi took Oikawa’s sides in his hands and started wiggling his fingers. </p><p>“Iwa-chan! Stop. Tickling. Me,” he forced out between giggles. But Iwaizumi didn’t stop. When Oikawa couldn’t breathe any longer, he finally gave in. “Okay fine! It’s Ushiwaka!” </p><p>Iwaizumi stopped moving altogether and let go of his friend. Oikawa’s words seemed to have shocked him because all he could do was stare at his face dumbly. “What? Why?” he finally asked.</p><p>Oikawa could have tried to lie. But that could never work because Iwaizumi always knew when he was lying. Besides, lying to him would have gone against the unspoken rules of their friendship. Sure, Oikawa would go through the rest of his life hiding his feelings for Iwaizumi but he couldn’t just <em>flat out lie</em> to him. So he took a deep breath and averted his gaze. “He asked me out on a date.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so I've been listening to Taylor's new album non-stop since it came out so obviously had to mention it in that chapter hehe ;)</p><p>hope you guys enjoyed this update! pls let me know what you think! kudos and comments are always appreciated &lt;333</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Oikawa and Iwaizumi have a serious talk.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey guys! sorry this is a little late :( but i hope you enjoy this chapter nonetheless~</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It seemed as though time had stopped altogether. Iwaizumi was still frozen in his place on the couch with his jaw hanging open in shock. Oikawa couldn’t blame him. He had basically said, <em>Hey, remember that guy who I’ve hated since middle school? The one who I was so obsessed with beating that I overworked myself and went through several injuries just to lose the love I felt for the sport, which ultimately led me to quitting? Well, we’re going on a date this weekend haha!</em>. He didn’t know if there was a way to explain this whole situation without sounding absolutely insane. There was also the fact that Iwaizumi didn’t know Oikawa was gay which could also be shocking him right now. </p>
<p>Suddenly, Oikawa stilled as well. This was bad. What if Iwaizumi wasn’t as progressive as he thought? Would he even support him? Would he think he was disgusting because of his sexuality? <em>No, it’s</em> Hajime. <em>He would support me no matter what, right? But it could still make him uncomfortable… Shit. What if he doesn’t feel comfortable living with me anymore? Shit shit shit, I messed up real bad.</em> Oikawa suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe. His heart raced in his chest as he tried to stop himself from thinking about Iwaizumi’s reaction. He instead tried to think of an escape plan because the atmosphere in the apartment was getting thicker by the second and if he didn’t get out soon, he felt as though he would suffocate. </p>
<p>“Sorry,” Oikawa barely muttered as he stood to leave the apartment. He didn’t really have anywhere to go, but he would figure it out after he left. All he needed to do right now was leave. That was his top priority. </p>
<p>And he would have if it weren’t for Iwaizumi’s hand grabbing for his wrist as he got up from the couch. “Wait,” he said, his vice firm and load in the silence of their apartment. “Sit down,” he commanded. </p>
<p>To say Oikawa was scared would be an understatement. Oikawa was terrified, especially due to the tone Iwaizumi had spoken in. But he did as he was told and sat back down on his spot, hoping for the best and having no means to prepare for the worst because if Iwaizumi thought of him as any less, then he would actually die. </p>
<p>“I’m still trying to wrap my head around it, so please help me understand,” he said, his voice more gentle now and the words coming out his mouth seemed calculated. And he was speaking slowly, as if Oikawa was a child and needed babying. Oikawa found this to be scarier than the harsh tone he had previously used just a minute ago. Never in their friendship had they been this hesitant with each other. It was a new territory for them and it felt uncomfortable and wrong. But Oikawa nodded nonetheless. Iwaizumi sighed. “I’m going to be honest with you, I’m still shocked about the Ushiwaka part but… I guess this means that you like guys, right?” </p>
<p>Oikawa gulped. His throat was dry. He couldn’t look at the man sitting beside him. Instead, he looked down at his hands as he played with his fingers. “Is that a problem?” He asked so quietly that it almost came out as a whisper. </p>
<p>The sharp intake of breath was what finally forced Oikawa to look up. He was greeted by the sight of Iwaizumi’s widening eyes and the look of horror on his face. “God, no! Oikawa, no, what the fuck. Did you really think- I-” he stuttered over his words and then stopped to take a deep breath. Then, reaching for Oikawa’s hands and holding them in his own, he continued. “I’m sorry if I made it seem like I wasn’t okay with it. I need you to know that I’m always here for you, okay? It was all just a shock, I really didn’t mean to upset you. Please tell me you know that. I couldn’t live with myself if you really thought I wasn’t going to support you with this.” </p>
<p>Oikawa felt relief course through his body and could feel his tenseness slip away. He managed to give Iwaizumi another nod and let out a breath of his own. “I know,” he said at last. And he truly did. Iwaizumi would never let things like this bother him. Oikawa was just thinking about the worst case scenarios and forgot to consider the type of person Iwaizumi was. He smiled shyly and answered the question truthfully. “Yeah, I like guys.”</p>
<p>Iwaizumi smiled back, giving Oikawa’s hands a gentle squeeze. “Okay,” he breathed out. “I’m glad that you told me, and I’m sorry if I forced it out before you were ready-”</p>
<p>“No,” Oikawa cut him off before he could start feeling guilty. “I’m glad that I told you too,” he promised. “God, it feels good to say it out loud.”<br/>“So you haven’t told anyone?”</p>
<p>Oikawa shook his head. “Mattsun and Makki found out on their own, well before I did. So they’re the only other people who know.”</p>
<p>They sat in silence for what felt like a few minutes before Iwaizumi spoke up again. “So, when did you find out?” he asked loosening his grip on Oikawa’s hands and eventually letting them go.</p>
<p>Oikawa hesitated. “During our third year,” he said, suddenly feeling guilty that he hadn’t told his best friend before. </p>
<p>“Oh…” Iwaizumi replied, but then trailed off, lost in his own thoughts. “So you’ve kept this to yourself for well over a year now, huh?” He asked, but it sounded more like a statement. Oikawa simply nodded, not meeting his eyes. “Did you just not feel comfortable telling me earlier? I just- I need to know why you freaked out earlier. Do I really seem like the type of person who would-”</p>
<p>“Hajime,” Oikawa said softly, cutting his friend off before he started overanalyzing everything. “It’s not that, I swear I would have told you earlier. It’s just that in the beginning, I thought it was like, I don’t know, a phase or something I guess?” Oikawa paused and took a deep breath, then steadied himself before continuing. “In high school, I dated around a lot, everyone knows that. And none of my relationships ever lasted because I just didn’t feel anything, and the girls picked up on it. It was just frustrating for the both of us. But then there was this guy who made me feel like I was <em>literally floating</em> whenever we were in the same room together. And I smiled so much around him that when I went home my cheeks would ache and I would have to massage them and- everything just finally clicked. I realized what I felt for him was greater than what I’ve felt for anyone else in my life and that should have made me happy, but I was just so <em>ashamed.</em> I hated myself so much for being the way I was because… the guys at school made fun of people like me. They had all these names for them and they’d sometimes beat them up and I- I was scared and <em>so</em> insecure. I thought if anyone found out they’d think I was disgusting because I’m not like them. So I just swept it under the rug and convinced myself that the feelings I had for this guy would just go away and I’d find a girl who meant this much to me eventually. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I just couldn’t-”</p>
<p>Oikawa stopped talking when a hand reached out to touch his cheek. Iwaizumi gently turned his face towards his own and with his thumb, wiped away a tear that had escaped unknowingly while he was talking. “Hey,” he said with so much care that Oikawa couldn’t hold back anymore. His tears freely rolled down his cheeks while Iwaizumi pulled him into a hug. He buried his face in the space between Iwaizumi’s shoulder and neck and cried into his shirt. Iwaizumi held him tightly against his chest as he broke down. “Oikawa, I’m so sorry that you had to go through that by yourself,” he whispered. “But you have me now, okay? I’m here and I’ll support you through everything. And if anyone gives you a hard time, I’ll take care of that too. I’m pretty strong, you know.”</p>
<p>Oikawa couldn’t help but laugh at that last part. He nuzzled into Iwaizumi’s neck and whispered “Thank you,” before holding on to him tighter and breathing in his scent. Iwaizumi brought his hand up to ruffle Oikawa’s hair. That brought another smile to his face because he felt so safe and content in his arms. They stayed like that for a few more seconds before Oikawa finally pulled away. “I think I got snot on your shirt.”</p>
<p>Iwaizumi looked down at his shirt and let out a laugh of his own. “Honestly, I don’t even care.”</p>
<p>Oikawa would have made fun of him if he wasn’t so happy in that moment. But all he could do was smile back at him. </p>
<p>“Hey can I ask you a question?” Iwaizumi spoke up hesitantly.</p>
<p>“Anything,” Oikawa replied. </p>
<p>“Back to the Ushiwaka thing,” he paused. “He asked <em>you</em> on a date right?” </p>
<p>“Uh, yeah,” Oikawa replied, scratching the back of his neck. He could feel his face heating up and cursed at himself in his head for still getting flustered every time he thought about Ushiwaka. </p>
<p>“How did he know?”</p>
<p>“Huh, well I never thought about that. I guess it was just his gaydar,” he replied. </p>
<p>Iwaizumi’s face broke out into a grin. “His gaydar, huh?”</p>
<p>Oikawa laughed and shrugged. “Guess I give off gay energy.”</p>
<p>“How come I never picked up on it then?”<br/>“Oh please,” Oikawa snorted. “You’re oblivious to <em>everything</em>, of course you’d never pick up on it. Even Mattsun and Makki picked up on it! And they’re the dumbest people I know.”<br/>“I’m sure they’d love it if I told them you said that.”</p>
<p>“Iwa-chan, don’t you dare!” Oikawa exclaimed, his eyes widening in surprise. But he was glad Iwaizumi was back to teasing him again. Even after spilling his heart out and getting snot all over his shirt, Iwaizumi was acting like it wasn’t a big deal. That things didn’t have to change. That no matter what happens, they’d always go back to being themselves. And that was all Oikawa could ever ask for. </p>
<p>After bickering back and forth some more, Iwaizumi turned the TV back on and they both settled into their positions on the couch. Iwaizumi’s head was on Oikawa’s lap, just like it was a few nights ago, and Oikawa ran his hand through the other’s hair slowly and gently. Iwaizumi sighed happily and began to fall asleep. </p>
<p>However, Oikawa’s vibrated in his pocket near Iwaizumi’s ear and he shot straight up, glaring at the device Oikawa now had in his hand. </p>
<p>“Just when I was getting comfortable,” he pouted. </p>
<p>“Just when I couldn’t feel my legs anymore,” Oikawa retorted, sticking his tongue out. </p>
<p>“Shut the fuck up.”</p>
<p>“It’s Ushiwaka,” Oikawa said after checking his notifications. </p>
<p>“Right. You should deal with that then. I’m going to bed,” Iwaizumi replied, then walked to his room and closed the door gently behind him. </p>
<p>Oikawa looked back at his phone. </p>
<p><strong>Dumbass😈</strong><br/>11:58pm- Hey.</p>
<p><strong>Oikawa</strong><br/>12:01am- Do you just always text in the middle of the night or is it just with me?</p>
<p><strong>Dumbass😈</strong><br/>12:01am- Just with you.</p>
<p>Oikawa scoffed. </p>
<p><strong>Dumbass😈</strong><br/>12:02am- I apologize, but I did say before 4am.<br/>12:02am- I’ve kept my promise.</p>
<p>Oikawa found himself smiling at the words on his screen. </p>
<p><strong>Oikawa</strong><br/>12:03am- Ok whatever</p>
<p><strong>Dumbass😈</strong><br/>12:03am- Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow?</p>
<p><strong>Oikawa</strong><br/>12:04am- Hmmm depends on what we would be having (▰˘◡˘▰)</p>
<p><strong>Dumbass😈</strong><br/>12:05am- Is that supposed to be a face?<br/>12:05am- And I’m not sure yet, but are you opposed to having a home cooked meal? You seem like you haven’t eaten anything healthy in a while.</p>
<p><strong>Oikawa</strong><br/>12:07am- Stfu Ushiwaka-chan! You’re so stupid obviously it’s a face 凸ಠ益ಠ)凸<br/>12:07am- And how dare you accuse me of not eating healthy! My body is a temple!<br/>12:08am- But fine I’ll have dinner with you since you won’t leave me alone until I do (◠︿◠✿)</p>
<p><strong>Dumbass😈</strong><br/>12:09am- You are correct. <br/>12:09am- I’ll text you my address tomorrow. Would 6pm be okay for you?</p>
<p><strong>Oikawa</strong><br/>12:12am- Why do you text so formally I hate it (¤﹏¤)<br/>12:12am- And yeah 6 is fineeeeee<br/>12:13am- hehe can’t wait to criticize your cooking tomorrow Ushiwaka-chan!</p>
<p><strong>Dumbass😈</strong><br/>12:14am- I apologize. I will try to improve my texting for next time. Also, I have been told that I am a great cook, but I will gladly accept any constructive criticism. <br/>12:15am- I should go to bed now. Goodnight Oikawa. </p>
<p><strong>Oikawa</strong><br/>12:16am- ‘Night Ushiwaka-chan (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh, hello again! First, I'd like to thank you all so so much for reading and leaving kind comments and kudos :)) </p>
<p>Second, I've realized that I suck at updating on a certain day of the week so from now onwards I'll probably update anytime between Fridays and Sundays! And if I don't, I apologize in advance haha </p>
<p>I promise I'm trying tho 😭</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Oikawa's in his head a lot.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Iwaizumi and Oikawa were sitting at the edge of a steep cliff, gazing at the stars and leaning into each other for warmth as the night was cold and they hadn’t prepared for this spontaneous trip at all. Oikawa snuggled into Iwaizumi’s side and sighed happily, a misty cloud forming as he exhaled into the freezing air. He felt at peace, but his heart raced in his chest from the close proximity to the man beside him. It only got harder to breathe when Iwaizumi wrapped his arm around his waist, but Oikawa welcomed the feeling and saved every detail of it to his memory. He had never felt happier in his life than he did in that moment. </em>
</p><p><em>“Iwa-chan,” he said softly, lifting his head off of his shoulder so that he could face him. When he looked at Iwaizumi, he saw his whole world before him. He saw someone who he would die for, who he would protect with his own life because nothing mattered more than him. Someone who he couldn't imagine himself losing because if he did, he wouldn’t know how to live anymore. If he ever lost Iwaizumi, he would lose himself as well because Iwaizumi was the biggest part of who he was. He was there through the best and worst parts of his life. He was the only person who could even </em>try<em> to understand Oikawa and his messy, confusing mind. Something even Oikawa couldn’t understand himself. Iwaizumi was the best thing that had ever happened to him. And he kept him wanting to become someone great so he would finally deserve him. Oikawa looked into his friend’s eyes and something inside urged him to say the three words he had kept to himself for so long. “I- I love you.”</em></p><p>
  <em>Iwaizumi laughed. He let go of Oikawa and pushed him to the side as he stood to get up. Oikawa sat frozen for a few seconds, watching the silhouette of the man he loved walking away from him after his confession. He stood to go after him, but his right foot slipped over the edge of the cliff, and suddenly his legs were pulled from under him and he was dangling over the side of the cliff, grabbing onto the rock surface so he wouldn’t fall. “Hajime!” he called out in fear and panic. His heart raced as his sweaty palms seemed to be slipping more and more with each passing second, but he could do nothing but scream for help.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Iwaizumi turned back around and slowly made it to where they had been sitting just a minute before. “What?” he asked as if Oikawa wasn’t clinging on to the edge for his life. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Can you h-help me. Give m-me your hand,” he begged, breathless and desperate. </em>
</p><p><em>Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa’s hands slipping on the surface he was grabbing onto and let out another cold laugh. “That’s not the first time I’ve heard that from you,” he said. He was still smiling but his tone was humourless. “You know how exhausting it is to be your friend? All you do is get me involved in your problems and expect me to fix them. Your constant need for perfection is so fucking </em>annoying<em>. You overwork yourself and then cling onto me like you need me, and I hate that about you. So fucking </em>needy<em>.”</em></p><p>
  <em>Oikawa’s grip loosened a little. The words were like shards of glass leaving gashes in his skin, but he just felt numb. </em>
</p><p><em>“And then you have the nerve to say shit like ‘I love you’? And you honestly expect me to feel the same way back?” Iwaizumi crouched down and leaned towards Oikawa’s face. “Fuck you Tooru. I </em>hate<em> you. If you don’t make it out of this, I’d actually be glad. I wouldn’t have to deal with you or your baggage anymore,” he spat out. Then, he got up and left Oikawa behind. It was as though he had just thrown out a load of trash that he didn’t need anymore, especially since it was taking up so much space in his life. And as he walked away, Oikawa could tell that Iwaizumi’s steps were lighter. Like a huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. </em></p><p>
  <em>When Iwaizumi was finally gone from his view, Oikawa felt like he had nothing to hold on for anymore. Who could love him if the only person who truly knew him hated him? Oikawa felt tears running down his face, and he cried in defeat. He had nothing left to hold on for. So he loosened his grip even more, and held his breath as he finally let go.</em>
</p><p>Oikawa woke up to his heart pounding in his chest and the awful sensation that he was actually falling. He sat up in a jolt and took his face in his hands, only to realize it was wet from fresh tears. Instead of wiping them away, Oikawa brought his knees up to his chest and cried harder. He sobbed into himself until he was gasping for air between cries. He must have been loud because the door swung open and Iwaizumi rushed in with a concerned expression on his face. “Oikawa? What’s wrong?” He asked gently, walking over to where he was on the bed and sitting beside him. </p><p>Oikawa shook his head because he couldn’t bring himself to talk. He knew if he started talking, he would just cry more. Iwaizumi didn’t press. He just took the hint and wrapped his arms around his body. Immediately, warmth engulfed him, but it also made him feel sick to his stomach. Oikawa pulled away at once. Then he stood up and made his way to the bathroom, not looking back at Iwaizumi, but he knew he would follow him. </p><p>And just as he assumed, there were knocks on the bathroom door only a few seconds he had locked it. “Oikawa, please talk to me,” he said gently. </p><p>“I’m fine Iwa. I need to get ready for work,” he forced out in the steadiest voice he could manage. </p><p>“Oikawa I-”</p><p>“Hajime, please,” he said more harshly. “I just need to be alone right now.”</p><p>There was silence at the other side of the door for a few seconds. Then, “Okay,” Iwaizumi reluctantly agreed. “But I’m here to listen when you’re ready, okay?”</p><p>He was probably expecting an answer, but Oikawa remained silent. Instead, he quickly got himself ready to go to work and avoided Iwaizumi all through breakfast.<br/>
______________________________________________________________________________</p><p>It was a little after 3pm when Kuroo walked through the doors of the yogurt shop to take over following Oikawa’s shift. “What, you’re not mad at me for being late today? Now I know something’s up,” he said, taking in how blank the expression on Oikawa’s face was. </p><p>Oikawa sighed loudly as he began to gather his things to leave work. “I’m just too tired to deal with you today,” he insisted. </p><p>“What? Didn’t get your beauty sleep?” he joked.</p><p>Oikawa sighed. “Yeah something like that.”</p><p>“Hmmm, you know what would help? A good dick appointment. I could book you in for after 8pm. How does that sound?”</p><p>Oikawa resisted the urge to smile, but soon enough he was grinning from ear to ear. “Oh please, Kuroo-chan. You’re literally the biggest science nerd I know. Your body count is a clean zero. And you’re still in love with a high schooler,” Oikawa replied smugly. “In other words, no thank you.” </p><p>“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Now get out of here.”</p><p>Oikawa stuck his tongue out at Kuroo before exiting the yogurt shop and taking a seat on one of the benches outside. He took his phone out of his pocket and began checking his notifications. The most recent messages were from Ushiwaka. Normally, Oikawa would roll his eyes or groan at just the mention of him, but he found himself smiling down at his phone, suddenly forgetting that he had been in the most awful mood all morning. Opening the texts, he found Ushiwaka’s address and his request to come an hour later if he could because Ushiwaka was behind schedule. </p><p><strong>Oikawa</strong><br/>
3:07pm- What, did you blow up the kitchen or something Ushiwaka-chan?</p><p><strong>Dumbass😈</strong><br/>
3:08pm- No, I just realized I have none of the ingredients at home and can not go grocery shopping until after practice.<br/>
3:09pm- But if you want to come earlier and help me cook that is fine too. </p><p>Oikawa thought it over for a while. He spent the whole day so far thinking about his dream last night, and could really use a distraction. On the other hand, did he really want to spend another hour with Ushiwaka of all people? He sighed. The answer should have been ‘of course not!’, but he couldn’t help but admit that he often found himself distracted in Ushiwaka’s presence. </p><p><strong>Oikawa</strong><br/>
3:12pm- Yeah sure, gotta make sure you don’t poison my food or something :p</p><p><strong>Dumbass😈</strong><br/>
3:13pm- I would not do that. </p><p><strong>Oikawa</strong><br/>
3:14pm- It was a joke, dumbass</p><p><strong>Dumbass😈</strong><br/>
3:15pm- Murder is not a joke, Oikawa. </p><p>Oikawa giggled to himself. </p><p><strong>Dumbass😈</strong><br/>
3:16pm- I will see you at 6pm then.</p><p><strong>Oikawa</strong><br/>
3:17pm- Yes you will :)</p><p>Oikawa got up from the bench and started walking back to his apartment. He was glad that he wouldn’t have to see Iwaizumi for the rest of the day because he usually spent his Saturdays at practice, and then from there spent his day with Mai. Oikawa always made sure to avoid their snapchat stories on the weekends. </p><p>Walking into the apartment, he took off his shoes and coat, then quickly stripped out of his work clothes and put them in the laundry. He walked over to his closet, and after 40 minutes or so of trying on multiple outfits, he finally decided what to wear for dinner tonight. He had picked out an off-white button down shirt with a light grey crew neck over it, and simple black pants. This, along with his black framed glasses, made the outfit seem very sophisticated. He didn’t know why he was even trying to look good for Ushiwaka, but he convinced himself that he would have done the same for anyone. After all, as much as he hated this about himself, he really did care about what others thought of him. </p><p>He spent another 30 minutes after that doing his hair, even though no matter what he did, it wouldn’t cooperate. Eventually, he gave up and collapsed dramatically on the living room sofa, doing what he could on his phone to kill some time before finally heading out at 5:50pm, since Ushiwaka’s apartment was a 10 minute walk away from Oikawa’s. </p><p>When he got outside the building, he texted Ushiwaka to come get him. Within two minutes, Ushiwaka made his way to the front where Oikawa was standing.</p><p>“Hey,” he said, a little breathless. Oikawa was sure he had taken the stairs instead of the elevator. Of course Ushiwaka would be the type of person who would do that. Oikawa looked at what he was wearing and suddenly felt glad that he had dressed as simply as he possibly could. Ushiwaka was wearing black pants as well, paired with a blue button down. The sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and the first two buttons were left undone. He did not seem to be wearing a shirt underneath. Even so, the small tan strip of skin below his collar bones left Oikawa’s mind with much to imagine. “You made it here at 6 o’clock on the dot. I am impressed.”</p><p>Oikawa rolled his eyes. “You’re literally impressed by everything I do. Now stop flattering me and let’s go upstairs, shall we? And we’re taking the elevator.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>“The elevator, Ushiwaka-chan,” he said firmly. </p><p>Reluctantly, Ushiwaka agreed and lead him to the elevator. The ride up was silent, as could be expected from Ushiwaka. Eventually, they got to his front door. </p><p>“You didn’t even lock it?!” Oikawa exclaimed.</p><p>“I was away for less than five minutes.”</p><p>“It only takes 5 minutes to get robbed, Ushiwaka-chan!”</p><p>Ushiwaka laughed, a sound so unfamiliar to Oikawa that he found himself flushing. This had happened a few days ago in their Biology lab when he had seen a hint of a smile on Ushiwaka’s face. That, paired with his deep laugh, was doing something odd to Oikawa’s body and he was frozen in shock.</p><p>“I trust my neighbours,” he said, gesturing to Oikawa to come in. </p><p>Oikawa blinked and collected himself, walking inside and taking off his coat. Ushiwaka took it from his hands and hung it in the closet. Then, he led Oikawa to the kitchen, which was right next to his front door. </p><p>“I already made the appetizers, rice and miso soup. Can you cut up the salad while I finish making the Nikujaga and Saba Shioyaki?”</p><p>Oikawa raised his eyebrows. “Sure. Wow, you’d make such a good wife, Ushiwaka-chan. This sounds exactly like the dinner my mom would make.”</p><p>Ushiwaka gathered the vegetables for the salad and gave them to Oikawa, along with a cutting board and a knife. “My mom made this meal a lot back home too. It’s very basic, but I can cook it well.”</p><p>“Are you scared of being adventurous with your cooking? That doesn’t sound like a good cook to me,” Oikawa teased, smirking at Ushiwaka. </p><p>“No, I just didn’t want to disappoint you tonight if I messed up.”</p><p>Oikawa’s heart skipped a beat. He knew Ushiwaka had feelings for him, but was he actually too <em>nervous</em> to cook something else for him? That was almost too cute. Oikawa smiled and began cutting the vegetables. Without even thinking, he found himself saying, “Well, there’s always next time.” Ushiwaka’s eyes were suddenly locked on Oikawa's. Oikawa flushed under his gaze and was about to say he was just kidding, but then he saw Ushiwaka smile again. He looked ecstatic, and Oikawa couldn’t bring himself to take back his accidental offer. </p><p>“Yeah, next time.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I just finished banana fish and let me tell y'all that shit HURTEDDDD. </p><p>anyways hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and see you next week :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Oikawa and Ushiwaka's date night ;)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ushiwaka was not bad looking. If anything, his broad shoulders and <em>very</em> toned arms (not to mention his absolutely handsome face) made him look, as much as Oikawa would hate to admit it, hot. While Oikawa didn’t have the best eyesight, he wasn’t blind either. He convinced himself that his looks were the only reason he felt the butterflies in his stomach whenever they made eye contact. </p><p>“Okay, everything is ready,” Ushiwaka said, gathering plates and setting them down on his table. Oikawa followed him and took a seat. </p><p>Ushiwaka took a seat across from him and watched Oikawa as he drummed his fingers on the table, suddenly feeling very awkward. Because this <em>had</em> to feel awkward for Ushiwaka too right? This friendliness between them was so unnatural, it was driving Oikawa insane. He forced himself to keep his mouth shut because he didn’t want to ruin the nice mood from the moment they had earlier, but he didn’t exactly feel comfortable with the way things were now either. </p><p>“Oikawa?” </p><p>Oikawa snapped his head up to look at the other man, realizing he had spaced out. “Oh, uh, thank you for the food,” he said hesitantly before grabbing the chopsticks and digging in. </p><p>Ushiwaka gave his head a small nod and started eating as well.</p><p>After a few more seconds of sitting in awkward silence, Oikawa couldn’t take it anymore. “So, I ran into Semi the other day while I was on a run,” he blurted out. </p><p>Ushiwaka glanced up and lowered his chopsticks before he had the chance to eat his next bite. His cheeks tinged red. “Yes. He told me when he came back,” he paused and looked back down at his food. “He is the one who suggested I asked you to have dinner with me.”</p><p>Oikawa nodded. Then, before he could really process what he was doing, he opened his mouth again. “So it’s true? You… like me in, uh, that way?” </p><p>“Yes,” Ushiwaka replied without missing a beat. </p><p>Oikawa’s breath hitched in his throat. He knew that, but he still couldn’t wrap his mind around it. “Why?” </p><p>Ushiwaka furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he made eye contact with the man in front of him one again. Then, his face softened. “How could I not?” he asked softly, as if he had been carrying this with him for a while now and it was a relief to finally lay it out in front of him. </p><p>But Oikawa was still confused. “I just don't understand,” he mumbled. “It’s just that I was <em>never</em> nice to you. In the past, you could barely even get a few words out before I got annoyed and almost strangled you. You have no reason to feel that way about me,” he confessed, suddenly feeling guilty about his past behaviour. But it was justified, right? They were rivals. They weren’t supposed to like each other. </p><p>“No, that was my own fault,” Ushiwaka replied. Then he paused, almost as if he were thinking about what he wanted to say. Oikawa was taken aback by this because usually he had no filter. “Do you remember the first time we played during middle school?” </p><p>Oikawa nodded slowly. Ushiwaka’s face got even more red in colour, and Oikawa found himself thinking <em>cute.</em> </p><p>“The first time I saw you, I just noticed your looks. That feeling I got when I looked at you finally helped me understand how my classmates felt when they talked about an attractive woman. So I instantly accepted the fact that I felt attracted to you. Then, when I watched you play, my attraction only grew. The way you worked with your teammates and analyzed every move captivated me and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. I convinced myself that you would never fall for someone who would lose against you, so I did everything I could to win. But then I saw the hate in your eyes when I did. So I decided the only way you’d like me is if we were to play on the same team. That’s why I was so persistent that you come to Shiratorizawa. But you decided to stay with Iwaizumi and the rest of your teammates. I admit that I had always been jealous of Iwaizumi because the way you looked at him was all I had ever wanted from you. It was obvious that you had feelings for him and he did not even have to try. That’s why, in high school, I started to speak badly about him to you between games. I apologize.”</p><p>Oikawa was surprised to find that his jaw was still attached to his skull because it should have been on the ground right now. Holy shit, <em>he’s liked me since middle school?</em> Oikawa’s cheeks were probably as red, if not <em>redder</em> than Ushiwaka’s now. But wait, what did he mean that Oikawa had feelings for Iwaizumi back then? That couldn’t be the case. “I- You… middle school? I- Iwaizumi and I never-”</p><p>“If you are trying to deny the fact that you had feelings for Iwaizumi in middle school, let me put it this way. You grew up as childhood friends, correct?”</p><p>Oikawa nodded his head hesitantly. </p><p>“So you may have mistaken your feelings for friendship. But friends do not look at each other the way you looked at Iwaizumi. It has only gotten worse since then.”</p><p>Once again, Oikawa found himself unable to say anything. He had too many thoughts going through his head that he couldn’t formulate a proper response. But he knew what Ushiwaka was saying had to be correct because he couldn’t just catch feelings for his childhood best friend out of no where, right? They had to have been growing steadily since the beginning. “I-maybe you’re right but-” But then, suddenly, it hit him. “Wait so… You made me hate you <em>because</em> you had a stupid school-boy crush on me?” he asked slowly. </p><p>They both stayed silent for a while before the corners of Ushiwaka’s lips quirked up. And then, Oikawa lost it. What started off as a giggle turned into a full on laugh attack and he couldn’t breath. He clutched his stomach and thought about how <em>insane</em> this whole situation was. And soon enough, he heard Ushiwaka’s deep chuckles joining him and then he slowly sobered up. </p><p>“Oh <em>god,</em> I still can’t believe you felt that way about me <em>and</em> managed to be the person I hated the most.”</p><p>Ushiwaka shrugged. “I still can’t believe you agreed to have dinner with the person you hate the most,” he replied, still smiling slightly and it was doing wonders for him because Oikawa felt his butterflies flutter once again.</p><p>He grinned and took another bite of his food. “Well, I mostly just came here to tell you how much you suck at cooking. Also, I’m a broke college student. I could never turn down free food.”</p><p>“Well, I hope you always stay poor so I can cook for you more.”</p><p>The butterflies in Oikawa’s stomach multiplied by a thousand and he choked on his food. He coughed and drank a sip of water before pointedly looking at Ushiwaka. “You’re not getting any better at wooing me by telling me you hope I’m unsuccessful in the future, dumbass.”</p><p>“Considering the fact that you haven’t tried to claw my eyes out all evening, I’d say I’m doing much better.”</p><p>Oikawa rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t fight the smile that was threatening to take over his whole face. “Shut up, your food’s getting cold.”</p><p>They continued to eat while bickering back and forth. Now that almost everything was cleared up, the atmosphere was light hearted and comfortable. He appreciated Ushiwaka’s honesty and it fascinated him how he could say all of that without shitting his pants. Because, if it were Oikawa in his place, confessing to Iwaizumi, he was sure he would have died then and there. It still felt weird knowing that his biggest rival <em>liked</em> him, but at the same time, Oikawa couldn’t help but feel flattered. This type of attention was nice, especially coming from another guy.</p><p>After finishing their dinner, Ushiwaka stood up to do the dishes in the kitchen and Oikawa followed him, insisting that he had to help because his mom raised him better than that. They stood elbow to elbow in the kitchen. Ushiwaka rinsed the dishes he had used to cook, as well as the ones they had used to eat, and passed then to Oikawa who loaded them in the dishwasher. When they had finished, Oikawa went back to the dining table to grab his phone, noticing that he had two text messages from Iwaizumi. </p><p><strong>Iwa-chan &lt;3</strong><br/>
7:14pm- Hey, just got home. Where are you?</p><p><strong>Iwa-chan &lt;3</strong><br/>
7:18pm- Also just wanted to ask if you were okay?</p><p>Oikawa sighed and his heart suddenly felt heavy thinking back to the dream he had last night. He wasn’t ready to face his best friend yet and was dreading going back to their shared apartment. </p><p>It was as though the universe was finally on his side when Ushiwaka walked towards him with a nervous look on his face and his hands in his pockets. “I think I heard Iwaizumi mention that you liked space documentaries one time. A new one came out on Netflix today. Would you like to stay and watch it?” </p><p>In a matter of seconds, Oikawa’s heart swelled at the thought that Ushiwaka liked him so much that he paid close attention to his interests. Once again, <em>cute</em>. He couldn’t believe he was feeling <em>giddy</em> at the thought of spending more time with Ushiwaka. His face heated up and he nodded, giving the man in front of him a smile. </p><p>They made their way to the couch and sat down in front of the TV. Ushiwaka gave him a throw blanket when Oikawa complained about being cold, but declined Oikawa’s offer to share it. Oikawa was thankful that Ushiwaka was respecting his space, and smiled to himself. </p><p>Before playing the documentary, Ushiwaka turned towards him with a look of uncertainty in his eyes. “Hey, Oikawa?” </p><p>Oikawa turned to look back at him, finding it hard to believe that Ushiwaka was acting shy around him. “Yeah?”</p><p>The look of uncertainty on his face changed to determination in a matter of seconds before he said, “You might still have feelings for Iwaizumi, but I haven’t given up for years before this, and I will not give up now.” His voice was firm, yet soft and Oikawa sighed. </p><p>“Yeah, I know,” he replied. And before he could even think of what he was saying, he added, “Besides, you have a better chance of getting with me than I do of getting with Iwaizumi.”</p><p>“So you’re saying I have a chance,” Ushiwaka asked, bewildered. </p><p>Oikawa’s face flushed for the hundredth time that day before he groaned and hid it behind his hands. “Just shut up and play the movie,” he pleaded. </p><p>Oikawa could tell that Ushiwaka was biting back a grin, or as close to a grin as his stoic face could manage, but he obliged and played the space documentary. </p><p>They sat in silence as it began, with the narrator’s voice filling the room. Oikawa took the opportunity to watch Ushiwaka face while his eyes were focused on the TV, and silently appreciated his side profile. He found himself trailing his eyes from the other man’s neatly groomed hair, to his pretty eyelashes, perfect nose, and soft pink lips. Then his eyes trailed further down to his perfect jawline, then to his neck where his Adam’s apple bobbed as he gulped. </p><p><em>Fuck it.</em> Oikawa thought in his head, convincing himself that he literally had nothing nothing to lose. “Hey, for the record, I find you pretty attractive too.”</p><p>Ushiwaka’s head snapped to the side, his eyes widening considerably as he processed what Oikawa had just said. Even in the dim lighting, Oikawa could tell that his face was turning red, and he grinned to himself. He turned his head back to the TV, but could still feel Ushiwaka’s eyes trained on him throughout the course of the documentary.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>goddamnit just fuck already &gt;:(</p><p>sorry this is over a month late! university is kicking me in the ass and choking me with its dick but just know that I haven't abandoned oikawa! he shall find love. </p><p>anyways, this chapter was so fun to write! please let me know what you guys think in the comments! I will reply to every single one eventually, I promise.</p><p>Edit: I'M SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN MONTHS. I have a severe case of writer's block and i'm working on getting over it but for now i just can't seem to write anything or have the motivation to even start :( Sorry y'all the next chapter is going to take longer than i thought.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I have a <a href="https://oyaoyawhore.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a> and a <a href="https://twitter.com/oyaoyawhore">Twitter</a>! feel free to message me on either about anything and everything :))))</p><p>(idk how to do links pls help)</p><p>((wait I think I did it??))</p></blockquote></div></div>
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